To my son on his 15th birthday......

So.

Here we are.

15 yrs.

You have been a part of my life for 15 yrs.

I remember when I first found out about you. I was elated, scared, unsure, thrilled. I was overcome with so many emotions that seemed to contradict each other. But, as time went on, they mainly became awe.

Awe at watching you squirm around in there. Amazed that there was a LIFE in my belly. A LIFE. Wow. I am so blessed that I am not a man. A man will never ever know that feeling of life growing and blooming inside of them. But I got to feel that!!

Everyone told me you were a girl. And at times I thought that is what I wanted. But deep in my heart I knew who you were from the beginning. You were the miracle that God gave me.

I remember the day you were born. (yes...I am going there....I'm your mother, I will revisit that day as often as I choose! LOL)

I was induced with you early on the 7th. Labored all that day with people popping in and out to see if you had made your grand entrance yet. Your Grandmothers were both there. Maw Maw was so proud. Your dad was there cracking his weird jokes. Your Grandma M. was there worrying about it all. LOL Pop was there.

I finally got to where it was time to try to get you out, and we tried and tried for a long time....about 2 and a half hours to be exact....but you weren't budging. Then they came in and said that you weren't doing so hot in there. They needed to get you out now. Within 15 min of them teling me that, they had you out. I was nervous and scared, but when I heard you SCREAM I knew you were ok. It was 12:20 a.m. on the 8th.

The stinky dr. gave me something to make me sleep and I didn't get to hold you until about 8 hrs later. I was MAD. REALLY MAD. They wouldn't bring you to my room unless I had someone there with me....so I called your Maw Maw, woke her up and made her come as fast as she could. I couldn't wait to hold you!

That first time they gave you to me....yep you guessed it....I bawled (and so did your Maw Maw! LOL) You were perfect. So sweet.

We have had some rough times you and I. Between the divorce and me getting remarried and all the other things that have happened in our lives. Once you started hitting those first part of the teens we seemed to fight constantly. But, we are always still able to talk. I am so thankful for that.

We have made it so far in our lives together, you and I.

I have seen you grow in the Lord and now are becoming a leader to your peers! I am amazed. Not that you could't ever do it.....but that I got to watch and be part of it all. And that no matter how I have messed up, God is faithful and is guiding you.

I know I have said this alot lately, but I mean it every single time I say it.....I love you, Josh. And I am so very proud of you.

No matter what happens in life, you and I will have a bond that no one can break or take away. You are my firstborn. You are my treasure. You are magnificent.

You are already rising up to be a mighty man of God. And I am blessed to be able to watch where God is bringing you!!

I pray that all of your days will be blessed, my son. And that God will always be your guide.

I love you.

Mom.